By: A Better Village
#GrownManStatus #GrownFolksBusiness #Chickenheads
As one of the chickenhead’s motives is to convince you that she, the chickenhead, is better for you than other females, you can expect it to find subtle ways to persuade your thinking. Remember: The chickenhead thinks that by controlling other females’ reputations she can control who likes or dislikes her victims. Chickenheads often campaign against their victims by exaggerating the truth, and outright lying about their interactions or observations. Chickenheads are especially dangerous when they don’t get what they want. They do not handle rejection well. This rejection fuels their thinking and behavior. Their plan is to make others feel their pain. They will do anything to create a sense of rejection in their victims, including distort reality to make you think that you, too, should reject the victim. (FYI: This rejection likely comes from not getting enough hugs and kisses as a child and/or not having an appropriate/strong father figure.)
Now here you go being put in the uncomfortable position of having to listen to the chickenhead’s clucks about someone you either actually already like or don’t have an opinion about. It’s hard to tell someone you don’t appreciate what they’re saying or doing, so here are some tips to help you keep your sanity and spot in heaven intact.
1. Don’t get sucked in. Remember that when a female is speaking negatively about another female, nine times out of 10, the speaker is exaggerating what happened because she did not get what she wanted. A real woman speaks directly to her defendant about the issue(s) she has with her. The chickenhead is revealing herself to you simply by speaking negatively about another. If you mess around and encourage the chickenhead’s behavior, you will end up with burnt feathers in your throat: You may end up missing out on a productive relationship with the victim or end up changing your thinking and behavior in a way that is detrimental to your growth and development. Birds of a feather . . . Be very careful about the chickenhead’s subtle influences; don’t let it become you.
2. Let the chickenhead know that you don’t think her behavior (gossip, undermining other Black females, lying, stealing joy, etc.) is cute. Most people find it difficult to address people directly about their shortcomings or something they think a person is doing wrong. We fear ridicule and losing a relationship. But then we lose a growth opportunity: We lose the opportunity to stand up for what is right and the speaker loses the opportunity to learn how to manage her unwarranted ill feelings in a more positive way.
Consider gently nudging the chickenhead towards righteousness. You may say something like: “How is it helping to speak that way about that person?” or “Have you considered talking directly to her about that?” Sometimes it’s easier to ask questions than to make statements. And the benefit of asking questions is that questions can encourage critical thinking.
Whatever you do, be careful that your response cannot be mistaken for “co-signing.” Remember: The chickenhead is trying to impress you. She erroneously thinks that discrediting other females gives her an advantage in your eyes.
3. Hold the chickenhead accountable for her actions. Challenge the chickenhead’s inferiority complex by encouraging her to critically think about herself: If the chickenhead is complaining about something frivolous and petty like what another female is wearing, for example, ask the chickenhead why she doesn’t purchase more suitable clothing for the subject of her ire. If the chickenhead is really concerned about her victim’s appearance, wouldn’t this–or something like this problem-solving action–be the solution? Ask: How is talking about her behind her back going to help? Ask the chickenhead why the petty subject about which she is speaking is so important to her.
4. Get to know the victim for yourself. Chances are: The victim of the chickenhead’s ire doesn’t even know (and hopefully doesn’t care) she’s even being spoken about. Rule #1: Don’t believe anything a female says about another female–especially if it’s negative–or if the speaker is a confirmed chickenhead. (Check the previous post about how to identify chickenheads and chickenhead behavior.)
The chickenhead epidemic is ruining the Black community. Little Black girls are learning how to put each other down not lift each other up. Chickenheads perpetuate a culture of triflery and pettiness. We likely learned this during the Enslavement Process as a way to survive. It wasn’t useful then, and it’s not useful now. Our numbers and health are rapidly diminishing. Please, Brothers: Help . . .